I recently took some time away from everything. I took a break from blogging. I focused less on Second Life and more on all the things going on in the real world. I have suffered from anxiety attacks since about the age of 18. They started when my grandmother passed away. It was not fun at all because I didn’t know what was happening and honestly thought I was losing it. Over the years it hasn’t been as bad but as an internalizer it manifests its self in strange ways. Well, in December they started again. Work has been stressful for years but seemed to become too much. I felt like I was buckling under the pressure of the stress and boom they began. I felt like I could handle it and just pushed on. Not this time. Pushing through was not working and I ended up in the hospital on my birthday with a heart rate that I could not get to slow down. I was told okay, we need to do something now because your stress and anxiety are affecting your cardiovascular system. It made me wake up. I can’t be there for everyone all the time and have no one in my life that has my back. I know I am know angel. I know I am stubborn and can be not so nice when all that I hold in comes erupting out. But don’t I deserve someone that if I feel like the world is ending, I can just sit in silence and they get me? or even better lay my head in their lap and have them rub my head while I cry even if I don’t explain every detail at that very moment. I think we all deserve that. I will never be the girl that walks in and screams all my problems in a fit of emotion. I am a processor. That is just me.
So, this is a new day. A new way of looking at my life. I want what I need to be as important as what everyone in my life needs. I also realized that I need to open up more about what I am thinking and feeling. My doctor actually said to me, “Maybe you should scream. You need to let it out somehow.” LOL! For now, I think I will try letting what I think be known a bit more. And keep focused that my needs are as important as the demands of all the needs of the ones around me. So, to wrap this up, I love blogging. I love taking pictures and creating a mood. Being creative is an outlet for me and I am happy to have things in life calm down enough that I can begin to focus some of my energy back into things I love to do. So here is to the new blog and the future of being more open even if it’s little by little. Keeping with the newness, here is an amazing dress from AVALE available at Cosmopolitan Event until September 8th. It is all class with a touch of sass. I love it!